A Helping Hand
by A Star In My Universe
Summary: Red can't help herself when she sees a lost soul in the form of Nicky Nichols, and Nicky doesn't know why, but sometimes helping others is the best way to help yourself. Nicky/Red AU.
1. Chapter 1

"You've gotta be fucking _kidding_ me." Nicky takes a long drag from her cigarette and flicks the ash onto the pristine carpet in a final act of defiance. "You're. Cutting. Me. Off?" Each word is spat more venomously than the last and Marka cringes at her daughter's manic expression, her eyes flickering to her waving arms. She shakes her head. "You really don't care, do you?"

"Yes," she says firmly, though her voice wobbles. She takes a deep breath and looks at Nicky desperately. "It's time I did what's best for you, Nicole, and this just isn't what's best for you." Marka's sobs echo through the empty apartment. It was void of everything. Love. Happiness. And now it was void of the one thing Nicky treasured most when her head pounded - silence.

"You've lost your chance to be Mother of the fucking Year!" Nicky yells, not caring that the neighbors can hear every word and that her mother's expression darkens with every added syllable. She rubs her temples irritably and stares at Marka. When she realizes that she's not giving in this time - because she's given in every other time before this point, before expletives began to spill out of Nicky's mouth - she nods her head wildly, her eyes avoiding looking at her mother. "Fine. I expected this from you. You don't care. You never have." She throws her fist down onto the mantle and smashes a vase, causing Marka to flinch, her forehead wrinkling with worry. "I'll see you at Christmas, if I'm around." Nicky raises an eyebrow. A clear challenge to her mother's authority.

"Please, sweetheart-" Marka begins, attempting to stand in front of the door and stand in Nicky's way - tries to stop her daughter from leaving home, leaving her life and wrecking her own in the process. "Nicky."

She hadn't been the best mother and her confidence in her ability to parent was low. Regardless of what Nicky thought of her, though, she was still supposed to look after her, and for the first time in her life, she was trying. _Too little, too late._ Nicky responds to this sudden interest in her by glaring and if looks could kill, Marka would be in the ground.

"Don't." Nicky says harshly, uninterested. Just like her mother had been for twenty years. She pushes Marka out of the way with a shove, not caring that she yelps out. _Why should I care?_ Nicky thinks. _She never cared when I cried._ She doesn't wait for an explanation. Her back is turned away from her mother and the door slams behind her, the sound reverberating in the apartment all around Marka.

The cold of December encapsulated Nicky as her bare arms were exposed to the cold. Her skirt didn't cover much of her legs and the lacy top that was lifted by the breeze didn't provide much protection from the elements. Goosebumps prickle up her arms and she brushes her hands over her elbows in an unsuccessful attempt to warm them, throwing her cigarette to the floor. A defeated sigh escapes from her lips as she fishes her phone out of her back pocket along with her last thirty dollars, which she counts despondently whilst scrolling down her contacts list. She selects a number and holds the phone to her ear, ducking into an alleyway to stop the wind blowing in her face.

"Hey, Lorna?" Nicky says, her fingers reaching up to rub her forehead in an agitated gesture. Her eyes close despite her building anxiety. "You free tonight?" Nicky leans against a wall, the cold stone cooling her flaming skin and temper. She exhales heavily as she listens to Lorna ramble on.

"Nicky, I told ya..." Lorna's voice trails off as she answers someone in the background. "Listen," Lorna says, and Nicky can hear the hesitation in her voice. "Christopher's here, okay? I love you, honey, but you know, a girl's got needs. I'll tell you what, I'll see you-"

"For fuck's sake.." Nicky mutters as she tires of Lorna's excuses. "I'm not looking for a night of 'comfort', okay, kid?" She sighs and switches her phone to the other ear. "I'm just looking for a bed. You don't have to be in it. I'm sick of Marka. And you know the score. 'Her roof, her rules' you know." Nicky rolls her eyes. "So, that a yes or a no?"

"I'd love to, but-"

"So that's a no." Nicky says flatly, her eyebrows raising. She laughs hollowly. "Shit. I thought you were at least my friend. I guess I was wrong." Nicky shakes her head and disconnects the call, shoving the phone back into her pocket angrily and chewing on her unpainted fingernails once the anger subsides to worry. Wrinkles form on her forehead as she frowns and she hisses as she rips a hangnail from her thumb, watching miserably as blood pools at the base of her nail.

She didn't know why the disappointment bubbled in her chest, why her stomach screamed at her or why there was even a hint of surprise in Lorna's answer. The girl was a complete flake and she should have been used to that by now.

Nicky shakes her head. She used to have a lot of friends. Used to be popular. Pretty. Used to enjoy life. Now, as her hands shake, as her breath comes out shallowly and in quick pants, she doesn't even see the point of continuing on with it. She takes out her phone again and turns it in her hands. Her lips press into a line. Before she can actually think about her actions, she dials a number and puts the phone to her ear.

"Hey, it's me. You still have my stuff?" Nicky shuffles her feet, her gaze falling guiltily to her heels. Her hand snakes round to the back of her neck where she scratches the skin. The voice on the other end of the line buzzes ominously. "Yeah, yeah," Nicky hurries them. A relieved smile breaks out onto her face and she nods triumphantly. "Yeah. I'll be there in ten, okay? Wait for me."

She scrapes her hair back and puffs out her cheeks. The hustle and bustle of the city was more effective than a Valium could have been at calming her nerves and she exhales noisily. The alley is dark and Nicky rushes out of it. Her mind and heart are racing and she just wants one more fix to make her forget about Marka, about Lorna - about the whole fucking joke that is her life. It had been too long. Her heart was in her mouth.

And as she rushes round the corner, a red headed lady marches down the street, her stare determined. Their collision really only injures her, and Nicky quickly brushes herself off. Nicky crouches down next to the older woman, a pained expression coloring her features. "I'm sorry, man...shit, are you okay?" She holds out a hand and helps the woman up, anxious to make sure she's okay and then leave quickly again.

"No. Do I look it to you?" The woman says huskily. "And I can't do shit with I'm sorry, you know."

She's pissed but Nicky can't help but laugh at her accent and words, though she tries to disguise it. "Look, I really am sorry," Nicky says, as if that makes up for everything. "Let me help you up. And I can…" Nicky's grip on the woman loosens as she comes to a shaky stand. She wonders what she was going to finish that sentence with. What can she do? Really, she knew what she was going to say, and she was ashamed of herself for it. _And I can compensate you for the fall._ Nicky shakes her head. Marka's money couldn't help her this time and she really didn't want to turn into her mother. Especially not while the heroin still swam in her blood. _Ha._ What would her mother really think about that? She didn't have time to think about it as she absently ran her arm down the woman's to find her hand. "I can..."

Luckily for her, whilst she thinks, the woman is dusting herself off. "You can help me home, little girl," she finishes, hissing in pain. She gasps and her other hand flies to her back, which spasms uncontrollably. "Ugh."

"Are you okay, Ma'am?" Nicky asks uncomfortably, as the woman leans on her. Her hand is being gripped so tight it's losing feeling. It's a stupid question and they both know it, though Nicky is humored.

"No," she says through gritted teeth. She throws Nicky a look over her shoulder. "And you can call me Red."

* * *

"A little rest and you'll be fine," Nicky says nonchalantly as she mills around next to the door. Red glances up from her armchair in her living room. "Right?" A hint of vulnerability comes through in her voice as she looks up at Red like a lost puppy.

Red nods swiftly. "Of course. I may be older than you but I'm not going to kick the bucket just yet."

Nicky nods, mirroring Red's actions moment ago. Her eyebrows knit together and she grips the edge of a chair, her knuckles turning white. Her voice is low and she doesn't quite know why she feels so reluctant to leave. She doesn't know why Red's gasps of pain made her feel something when her own mother's pain meant nothing. "I know."

Nicky nods again, and heads for the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Red snaps, her tone harsh. The sound makes Nicky stop instantly, her hand hovering over the door handle. She hopes Red can't see the shake of her fingers. "I'm not going to die but how do you expect me to live whilst you've paralyzed me? I won't be able to move for weeks!"

Nicky's face drops and she bites her lip. "Right..." Nicky says. She's unsure of what Red wants her to do and she doesn't know why she's not just walking out of the front door. The woman herself says that she can't move. She doesn't even know Nicky's name. There's no way she could find her again. Yet something stops her from turning the handle and leaving her to fend for herself.

"And I don't think you're in a position to turn down a job." Red says, an eyebrow raised.

"Huh?" Nicky replies. She pushes the hair from her eyes to get a proper look at Red. "I don't need a job."

"Your stomach seems to be doing the talking." Red says cynically. A blush sweep's Nicky's pale cheeks as her stomach growls. "At least eat something before you turn me down." She gestures to the refrigerator that stands in the corner of the kitchen, through the other room. Nicky shakes her head.

"No, I'm not hungry," she says quietly. God knows she wasn't skinny and lacking nutrients because she was poor. Marka had taken her to enough fancy restaurants to try and stop her from making a scene when she tried yet another intervention to curb her appetite for years, but she hadn't ever stayed long enough to eat anything. A sad smile appears on Nicky's face. "I run on other things."

"Of course." Red says curtly. She sighs under her breath as she watches Nicky watch the floor. Her hands were shaking and she was sweating. She had been in such a rush to get away, it was hard not to wonder why. And Red had a feeling she knew. She couldn't stop herself from talking as her heartstrings tugged whilst watching the girl. She was so small. Vulnerable. And she looked like she didn't have a person in the world to look out for her. "But the offer still stands. I'm going to need help whilst my husband and sons run my restaurant. He'll be home soon so you'd start tomorrow." She looks Nicky up and down before giving her a tight lipped smile. It wasn't a lie and she hoped she sounded genuine. Dmitri would have to get over it. She raises her eyebrows. "It might as well be you. Yes or no?"

Nicky frowns at the ground, watching the toe of her shoe scuff the carpet. She would need the money eventually, once her credit card was maxed out and once she spent her last thirty dollars. And missing one fix would allow her to get more in the future with her wages. Nicky looks up and nods quickly, her gaze quickly falling to the ground once again.

"Yeah. Yes."

Red smiles genuinely for the first time that afternoon, and nods again. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

 _ **Hey! I hope you like this new story. I wanted to see Nicky in a caring role for once, though of course it's Red really being the caring one even if Nicky doesn't know it yet. Please leave a review telling me what you think. :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

Red's voice broke as she tried to explain to her husband how much this meant to her - how much she needed to rescue this girl from whatever fate awaited her if she didn't step in. "Please, Dmitri. Try to understand!" Red pleads. Her back spasms and she pushes through the pain stoically, her teeth gritted under her red lips. "She's the same age as Vasily. And she needs _help!"_

"And what's the difference between her and Vasily?" Dmitri asks irritably, sitting down heavily in his armchair. He sighs. "Tell me, Galina. I want to understand, but I just don't have the same draw you self destruction as you," he says sarcastically.

Red glances up at him, her mouth hard. Her answer was serious. "There is absolutely no difference in my eyes. They're both young adults and need guiding. What would you tell Vasily if he was going down this path?" She demands angrily, her nostrils flaring.

"I would tell him to grow up and be a man and make us proud, because he's my child!" Dmitri says exasperatedly. "And there's the difference I was looking for. She's not our child. You don't even know her. And she's addicted to drugs! You're vulnerable and hurt, she could do anything! Not to mention that she caused your injury in the first place. Why would you invite her into our home?" Dmitri slams his hand down hard on the coffee table but Red doesn't flinch. Instead she looks at him, scorn in her eyes.

Then she laughs, a scoff escaping from her mouth as she shakes her head. "What do you think she's going to do? Rob us? Yes, she can steal all the mince pies from our restaurant like the Grinch she is! Or maybe she'll attack me, seeing as she clearly towers over me at 5'2! Don't be so utterly ridiculous. There are bigger mice than her in the dumpsters behind the restaurant." Red rolls her eyes at her husband, disregarding his contempt as mindless jibber-jabber. She glances at the clock. She was due to be here any moment, and she didn't want Dmitri yelling before she'd even crossed over the front door. "You think you can keep your mouth shut when she gets here?"

Dmitri sighs inwardly. "Galina," he begins hopelessly, knowing she won't take any notice despite his warnings. A knock on the door interrupts him mid-sentence and as Red hurries him, he knows he has no chance of stopping this from happening. He opens the door with a weary smile as the girl stands on the doorstep, looking lost. "Come in," he says in defeat. "Galina is just through there."

"Galina?" Nicky says abrasively, her eyes meeting Dmitri's in a hard glare. She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms like she's been challenged. "I thought I was looking after Red. You know. Big mouth, red hair...? Same accent as yours." Dmitri bites back a laugh and ushers Nicky through to their modest living room, gesturing to Red as she narrows her eyes at the young girl.

"Galina calls herself Red for obvious reasons," he says, his hand falling to Red's shoulders. "I still call her Galina. I do agree with you on the big mouth, though," he smiles. He plucks his coat from the stand in the corner of the room and kisses his wife's cheek softly. "Have a good day. And don't...just _ne poluchit' vperedi sebya,_ okay?"

Red rolls her eyes and runs her hand down Dmitri's arm comfortingly. "Do I ever?"

Nicky watches the exchange with a guarded expression. Her own parents never showed affection so openly - and if they had, it would have been nearly impossible for Nicky to remember because she was so young when her dad left. Dmitri turns to Nicky as he leaves, his worries melting away as he watches the girl stand, her arms crossed, sulking on the other side of the room. His arm brushes her shoulder reassuringly. "Her bark is worse than her bite, _milaya,_ " he shakes his head and his hand reaches for the door handle. "Look after her for me, okay?"

Nicky nods absently. "Yeah." Her attention snaps back to Red, who is looking pointedly at Dmitri and attempting to make him leave by the power of her stare. "How much am I getting paid?"

Dmitri hesitates closing the door behind him. "Paid?" His tone is colored with surprise and he frowns at his wife. "You never mentioned anything about her being _paid,_ Galina,"

"Well, what did you expect?" She says innocently, hoping that he doesn't scare Nicky away before she even started. "It's nothing special. It won't be much," Red promises. Her attention turns to Nicky. "You have to get to work. I don't get up at 5AM every morning so that you can run my business into the ground. Maxsim won't keep it open forever. He has a life to live."

Dmitri sighs heavily as he pulls the door closed. "We'll talk about this later."

Red waves her hand at the closed door and rolls her eyes. "He might, but he'll be talking to himself." She turns to Nicky, one eyebrow arched curiously. "What do you need money for anyway?" Red asks unnecessarily, wondering if Nicky would provide her with a truthful answer. She shrugs her shoulders, grimacing.

"Rent?" Her reply is more of a question than an answer, and Red nods as unconvincingly. Nicky plays with the ends of her hair and doesn't meet Red's eye, shrugging again. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it further, so Red quickly closes the matter.

"You'll get paid. Don't worry about Dmitri. My bark may be worse than my bite, but he has no bite at all. He'll get used to you, and once he does, I promise he's a pushover," she says with a smile. "He's more like a chihuahua than a doberman. Quite...whiny. But still nice to curl up with and have around the house."

Nicky gives Red a genuine half-smile. "A pushover, or browbeaten?"

Red laughs. "Smart girl." She drums her fingers on the arm of her chair and faces Nicky. She can't help herself from giving her advice even though she knows she probably doesn't need it. "You've got to get there first. Don't be pushed over by a man, okay?" Red says. "Or by anyone for that matter. The minute they think you're weak...the minute they think they can take advantage..." Red shakes her head despondently. "That's the moment when you've lost already, you know."

* * *

"Finally," Nicky breathes. She helps Red down onto a chair outside of the restaurant and she sits comfortably, seeming pleased with herself, as she stares at Nicky from across the table. Nicky sits across from her, sighing in relief and panting from the exertion. "Is that okay now?" She asks insincerely. Red ignores her tone and nods gratefully.

Nicky leans back on her own chair, basking in the sunlight and mostly ignoring Red. The sun warmed her and helped the shivers that had suddenly taken over her body from being so severe. The walk over to the restaurant had been grueling, but Red insisted that she needed to see her restaurant, and so to her restaurant they went. Red watches her husband from the table outside, eyeing up every single thing he did. As he spots her, he comes outside with two plates.

"How nice!" Dmitri says, forgetting all about that morning's arguments and placing the plates in front of them both. "Nicky, our speciality. I hope you enjoy it. Galina seems much better even from this morning." He eyes his wife suspiciously. Nicky doesn't have the energy to comment or even notice his statement and instead pokes at the plate of food in front of her, watching as Dmitri walks away from them both to serve the waiting customers that were beginning to form a line.

"I'm surprised you agreed to bring me here." Red says. It was an irritating point to make, not to mention pointless, seeing as she _had,_ and proved to Nicky that the whole escapade was simply a test of how far she was willing to go, how desperate she really was. Nicky sighs and looks up from her food, locking eyes with Red.

"I don't really have a choice," she explains, making it crystal clear why she _is_ willing to do it. "I'm supposed to pay Marka rent. She doesn't make me, but now she's cut me off..." her voice fades away. She tries to hide the catch in her throat and rubs at the back of her neck awkwardly. She watches Dmitri rush around in the kitchen, wishing she was doing something as all consuming so she could forget how shitty life was for her at the moment

"Who is Marka?" Red asks gently. She didn't know if Nicky was telling the truth but the pink glow that rushed to her cheeks made her think she was being genuine, if not quite telling the truth wholly.

"My mom - well, not quite. The only thing she ever did was giving birth to me." She says bitterly, shaking her head. Nicky rubs her eyes tiredly. She felt so exhausted she could cry, not to mention the fact that she was beginning to feel the effects of not getting another fix. It had been building all morning and made her feel weaker than she ever wanted to. Her skin felt like there were pins pricking her all over and an inferno was sweeping through her veins. She exhales forcefully through her nose and leans on the table in front of her, slumping on her elbows. Red watches in concern. Nicky attempts to shake off the pain and concentrates on the woman in front of her. "I know it was my fault that you're hurt, and that this is the least I could do," she says through gritted teeth. "But I really need this job. I really need the money."

"Mhmm," Red says softly, her head nodding thoughtfully. As she thinks about how she was going to help the girl, Nicky loses her composure and is on her knees on the dirty ground before Red can even extend her hand.

"Sorry," she chokes out, retching into the trash can next to Red's chair. The fact that her first word following her collapse was an apology spoke volumes about what usually happened when she started detoxing and Red wasn't entirely surprised. "Fuck this," she groans, clutching her cramping stomach tightly and hugging herself pitifully. If there was a needle next to her she wouldn't hesitate to plunge it deeply into her skin to relieve this God-awful punishment that her body was dishing out, despite what Red would think of her - despite the fact that she could be thrown in jail - despite everything, she would take heroin over it all. Red cringes as she watches over her, and reaches out to hold her hair back instinctively. How many times had she been throwing up by Marka's feet? _Countless times_ , Nicky thinks. And how many times had she gathered Nicky's hair in her hands and tenderly stroked the back of her neck? It would have been nothing short of a miracle if that had happened even _once._ Red seemed to do it without a second thought, her hands slowly gathering the hair and raking fingers through her scalp that soothed her pounding head. It made her ashamed to be lying. Made her ashamed to be a junkie.

As if sensing Nicky's discomfort, Red reaches out to touch Nicky's arm, her eyes crinkling as she laughed hollowly. "Hey, hey. Look at me," she says harshly, her tone clipped. She takes Nicky's face in her hands and stares deeply into her eyes. Somehow she knew that Nicky was finally taking her seriously, finally listening properly. Her words mattered and she had to make them count. "It's okay, kid. Sometimes you've gotta hit rock bottom before you know which direction to go in."

 **A/N:**

 **I hope you like this chapter! Please tell me what you think in a review and tell me what or who you want to see appearing next. If I don't talk to you again, have a lovely Christmas/holidays/whatever you celebrate! xo**


	3. Chapter 3

Nicky stares at herself in the bathroom mirror of the restaurant, wiping her mouth after she swilled it out with water. Detoxing was _always_ horrific. Her head pounds and sweat prickles at her forehead.

Standing in the doorway unnoticed, Red watches the girl. Tears aren't falling and she doesn't look upset, she just looks pissed at the world. As she tentatively opens the door, waiting for that all too familiar creak, Red hopes she's not a part of that world she seems to despise. Right on cue, the door squeaks, signalling Red's entrance, and Nicky jumps.

Red doesn't say anything for a moment, and waits for Nicky to say something. "Shit," she mutters, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "I'll be out in a minute," she mutters slightly louder, a tremor evident in her hand as she waves it in the air dismissively. "Then we can go. Okay?" There's an edge of irritation in her tone, and she closes her eyes.

Red walks closer, satisfied she's not going to make everything worse, and leans on the sink as Nicky looks up. "I have nowhere to be." Red says simply. "Stay here as long as you want." She knows those shakes, that film of sweat that had formed on Nicky's brow. She hates that she's feeling so unwell. More accurately, she fucking _hates_ drugs.

Nicky juts her chin out, looking up at Red. "Seriously? You wanna spend all day in a filthy public restroom?"

Red quirks an eyebrow. "I clean this bathroom myself! There is no _filth."_ She says with power. "I've spent all day here thousands of times. Maybe not just in this bathroom, but in this restaurant. You think I have staff?" She laughs. "Get with the programme, little girl. The question is: do _you_ want to stay here for a whole day?"

Nicky shakes her head minutely, peeking up through mascara coated lashes. "Not really," she admitted. _I don't really wanna spend the day with you, either,_ she adds silently.

"Okay, then." Red says amicably. She worried that if she pushed the issue further, she would push the girl away to a further distance than she kept between them already. "Where do you want to go?"

"Where do I want to go?" Nicky laughs, but it's bitter, and she almost chokes on the chuckle that escapes. _She_ wants to be in a filthy apartment somewhere, where a fug of smoke made it hard to see the person in front of you. Which is generally good, because they're probably as fucked up as she is. Instead of admitting that, Nicky leaned on the sink and turned to Red, nodding in acknowledgement. "Where do you wanna go?"

Red smiles sadly, but loops an arm through Nicky's. "Let's go home, hmm? I'll get Dmitri to fix us some lunch to take home and we can sit, and talk."

Nicky regards Red warily, but manages to hold her weight well. "Talk about what?"

"Anything. Easy pay, right?" Red teases her, pushing open the door to the bathroom.

Nicky raises an eyebrow, reaching out and pushing the door as Red struggles to do it with one good arm. "I've had easier," she says cuttingly, feeling the first stabbings of a headache poking at her temples.

"Oh?" Red says, glancing back at Nicky as she walks to the counter where Dmitri serves customers unaided. "You'll have to tell me about that one." She turns to her husband and points at a couple of things behind the glass. "Can you put them in a paper bag? Nicky is going to take me home to relax for a bit." She gestures to her leg. "My knees are aching."

"Of course, love." Dmitri smiles at Nicky as he bags up the food. He conceals a frown as he looks at the girl, sweaty and ashen, as she leans against a table to simply stay upright. She looks like death warmed up, and he brings the bag to her, brushing his hand against her back gently. "Here you go," he says softly.

She flinches at the contact, screwing her eyes shut, and the nods in acknowledgment swiftly. "Thanks," she murmurs. "It's a nice place you've got here," she says, with effort, and loud enough for Red to hear. The married couple exchange a smile.

"Mhm," Dmitri says, replenishing the stock in the display case in the counter. "It's not much, but it's ours."

Nicky smiles weakly. _Ours;_ she wonders what that's like, to have something between you and someone else that was so special that you could call it that so freely. With one last glance to Dmitri, she decides it must be nice.

"Come on," Red says softly from the chair she had sat on, as if sensing Nicky's inner turmoil. She rises slowly. "Let's go home."

* * *

Shaking hands shove the key into the lock when they arrive at Red's apartment. The door opens and with stumbling feet and fumbling hands, Nicky helps Red in and sits her down into a comfy looking threadbare armchair.

"Sit," Red says, as Nicky places the paper bag down onto the counter and begins to make a drink for the both of them. "That can wait. You look exhausted."

Nicky nods, but Red can see the cogs of doubt turning in her mind. A cat rubs against her legs, shedding white fur all over her black tights. She looks down at the cat with a smile and scratches the animal's head gently.

"Just sit. I'm not testing you," Red insists, a hint of a smile coloring her features as she watches Nicky run her fingers down the cat's spine.

Nicky sits on the couch, quickly joined by the white cat. Green eyes stare back at her reproachfully, and she laughs softly as the cat sits herself down on her lap. "Hey kitty. Who are you?" Nicky asks, her voice surprisingly soft.

"Oh, that's just Luna," Red replies. Her response seems to interrupt Nicky's unconscious stream of thought, and she instantly clams up as she nods. "She was a kitten who wandered into the restaurant one day. Vey skinny. I don't know where her mother was. Shaking with fear, poor little girl." She trails off. The comparison to Nicky was undeniable, and she knew she was beginning to garner a reputation for taking in strays.

"Why'd you keep her?" Nicky says. Her fingernails scratch behind the cat's ears and she smiles when she hears purring.

Red shrugs. "She's useful. She catches mice very well, and keeps my feet warm in the winter." At least, that's what she'd told Dmitri when he came home one day to a tiny kitten curled up on his chair. Truthfully, the tiny thing had been mewing for days for her mother, and Red couldn't stand it anymore. Tiny and bony, Red fed the kitten and nursed her back to health - and now the cat trusted her with her life, because she had saved it all those years ago.

"She's sweet," Nicky says, feeling her licking her fingers as she tickled the cat's neck.

"I can't do shit with sweet." Red says, one eyebrow raised. "But it did come in handy when Dmitri saw her. You can't throw a cutie out."

Nicky manages a smile, throwing an amused look to Red. "I guess not."

* * *

"Well," Red says, glancing at the clock on the wall reluctantly. "I guess your time's up."

Nicky looks at the clock too. "I guess so," she says flatly, and Red isn't sure whether she's happy or sad, she only knows that the shakes hadn't stopped since this morning, and that Nicky had been swaying on her feet all day.

"Dmitri gets home soon," Red says. "He can help you get home if you're not feeling good." She thinks back to her throwing up in the restaurant, and wants to yell ' _stay here, stay with me'_ but knows pushing the wild girl will only end in her leaving sooner.

"Mm." Nicky says. She traces the stitching in the couch, not looking up or making a move to get up. She shakes her head and the curls bounce around her shoulders. Her hair looks like it needs a proper wash, and she looks like she needs a full night's sleep.

"Where do you live?" Red asks after a beat.

"Oh," Nicky says softly. She doesn't look up. "I, um...I don't. Not at the moment, anyway," she says quickly. "I'm still trying to figure it all out."

"I see," Red says quietly. "Well, where would you stay tonight?" She was pressing for information, and whilst she would have usually been happy to play the long game, this time was different. "Do you have anywhere?"

Her eyes remain glued to the floor. "I'll find somewhere." Her jaw was set and she began to get up. "I'll see you tomorrow. Honestly," Nicky continued, noticing the concern on Red's face for the first time. "I'll find somewhere."

Red didn't doubt it, but she did doubt that it would be safe, or appropriate, or warm enough to not shiver as you slept. She watches Nicky as she turns away, and can't help herself. Young girls shouldn't not know where they're sleeping, and Red wouldn't sleep not knowing if she was safe. "Wait."

Nicky's hand hovers over the doorknob, but she doesn't say anything.

"Stay here tonight."

Red unfolds sheets from a set of drawers, draping them over the old, sagging in the middle couch. She gently places a pillow down on the end, sizing up Nicky. She's thankful that the girl isn't tall, for her boys' friends hadn't been able to sleep on a couch for years now, their feet long hanging off the edge.

"You can sleep here tonight." Red says, moving out of the way and letting Nicky perch tentatively on the edge of the couch. She watches Red warily, stiffly sitting up straight. "It's not ideal, but just until you find somewhere you can stay…"

Nicky nods, kicking her boots off and tucking her legs under her. She looks beat, and Red resists the urge to tuck her hair behind her ears.

"Those don't look very comfortable." Red says after a moment, her eyes scanning Nicky's denim skirt and chunky knit sweater.

"It's fine." Nicky says. "I don't really ever wear pajamas."

"Well, you'll be wearing those clothes again tomorrow before you can get some more of your things from home." Red points out. Nicky scoffs at the word home but lets Red continue. "I think I have something more suitable to sleep in. Give me a minute," she says.

Nicky watches warily as she opens the door to her bedroom. She didn't particularly want to wear pajamas that looked like she was the grandma in Little Red Riding Hood, but she was grateful of whatever she would offer.

After a few minutes, Red emerges from her bedroom. A pair of pajamas is clutched under her arm protectively, and she hands them over to Nicky carefully. Nicky strokes them with a finger. They were _not_ what she was expecting, and she looks up to Red in surprise.

Green and blue plaid pants and a fleecy top with a unicorn on the front, nothing like she'd expected from Red and definitely not her size. It was confusing, but Nicky smiles, a cheeky grin beaming up at Red.

Red reciprocates the smile. "They're not my style either. But they're warm and about your size, and much better than that skirt."

"Thanks," Nicky says, running her hands along the pajamas. She looks up at Red and really means it. "Thank you, Red."

* * *

Red's eyes snap open as she hears the door opening. There's no talking, only the sounds of Dmitri stumbling around in the dark, so she assumes Nicky's fallen asleep already.

She snaps on the lamp that sits on her bedside table next to her, and sits up a little in bed as Dmitri opens the door.

"Galina." His voice cuts through the silence. He pulls his tie off and sits down gently on the end of her bed, mindful of his wife's bad back. "I thought she was supposed to be looking after _you."_

"She is." Red insists. "If she wasn't here, I'd be at work. She gives me something to focus on," Red whispers. She's conscious of Nicky hearing their conversation and feeling uncomfortable. "And she does help me. I can't carry shopping. My right arm and knees are useless at the moment."

"Mhm." Dmitri says. He pulls on a pajama top and pants, and then slides into bed next to Red. "I know you mean well, Galina, but please….these things never end well. You always get too attached."

"You know you love having Luna around now." Red says, her lips quirking into a smirk.

Dmitri sighs. "You know I'm not talking about Luna." He sits up on his pillows. "You don't remember last time? You don't remember how you tried so hard and everything fell apart anyway?"

He can't bear to say anything else. She was _destroyed_ when everything fell apart….when everything she had tried, failed.

Red stiffens, and doesn't look him in the eye. "This time is _different,"_ she says firmly. A shaky exhale tells Dmitri that his wife still thinks of last time often. Still sees the events playing back when she closes her eyes, when she sits in the empty apartment all alone. "This time I'll do better. I'm not going to let her down."

"Galina," Dmitri sighs, his voice earnest. "That wasn't your fault."

Red's voice lowers to a whisper, so low that Dmitri can't even hear. She shakes her head. "I can't let her down...not this time."

* * *

 ** _Hiya lovelies!  
_**

 ** _The last time I updated this was December 22nd, so I thought it was due an update... ;)  
_**

 ** _Please tell me what you thought and what you wanna see._**

 ** _Be happy!_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


	4. Chapter 4

Red wakes to the smell of breakfast cooking and light streaming through the window of her bedroom. She turns in bed and reaches for Dmitri, but finds only empty space. The older woman smiles. He must be feeling bad about what he said last night, she thinks.

She stands, unhooking her dressing gown from the door. Pulling the robe around herself, Red smiles to herself as she pushes the door open. "Feeling guilty about doubting me last night?" Red calls as she walks into the kitchen. When she sees Nicky at the oven, peeking into the waffle maker, she's astounded.

The blonde pays her no attention. Her focus is mostly on the waffles, but there's a phone wedged between her shoulder and her ear. "Why do you care now?" Her voice is sharp and Red stops in her tracks. She clearly hasn't heard her, and Red's intrigued. "Lorna, shut the fuck up. I can take a guess as to why you've called. Has Christopher broke it off?"

Using the hand that isn't now propping her phone up, Nicky flips the waffle iron open, burning herself in the process. "Shit!" She puts her thumb in her mouth and listens to the words on the other end of the line. "No, that wasn't to you. No, you can't come over. Where the hell do you think I am?"

Red can't hear the person on the other end, but she hears Nicky scoffing. "Yeah, right. Tell me when you've spent a week and haven't stalked his Twitter. Or followed him upstate. I have to go." Nicky ends the call and throws the phone on the side.

Red winces at the sound of the phone hitting the countertop; clearly, Nicky never had to worry about things being replaced if she broke them.

"Everything okay?" Red says tentatively as she sits down at the table. Nicky sighs audibly and turns around with a weary smile.

"Yeah." Nicky plates up two waffles and places it on the table next to a glass of orange juice. "I made these for you."

"Thank you, honey." Red smiles. "How'd you know they were my favorite?"

"Oh," Nicky says, a blush sweeping over her pale cheeks. "Dmitri told me before he left. It's nice," Nicky continues softly. "That you two have been together for so long. I never knew anyone that's been married so long."

Red chuckles. "It wasn't always nice," she says through bites of food. "And it wasn't always easy. But nothing worth doing is."

Nicky leans on the counter. "I don't know about that," she murmurs. Red looks over at Nicky and for the first time notices that she's changed back into the clothes from the previous day.

"You got dressed." Red says, stating the obvious.

Nicky nods, not really paying attention. "Mhm. The pajamas are on the couch. I didn't know where to put them."

Red stands immediately, abandoning her breakfast. Nicky watches, perplexed, as she folds the pajamas neatly and holds them to her chest. "I'll wash them for you." Red says softly. "In case you need them again tonight."

"Oh." Nicky says, rubbing the back of her neck. She sits down at the table with a plate of her own. "You don't have to do that. I can find somewhere else, I don't wanna be a problem…"

Red's head snaps up from the pajamas. "You are not a problem," she says forcefully. Too forcefully, Nicky thinks, as she nibbles at her own breakfast. Red places the pajamas on the end of the couch and it's a wrench to leave them and turn to Nicky, but she does. As she turns, she gets a glance out of the window and immediately rushes to it. "Look!"

Nicky glances out of the window and sees the streets covered by a layer of glistening snow. It made everything look cleaner, and the flurries that continued falling made it look like a scene from a Christmas card.

Red smiles, sighing contentedly. "I love snow. It's a pain, I know...but look. Everything is beautiful. Covered by a clean layer, protected from...well, everything."

"It's fucking slippery, you ruin your shoes…"

"Mm," Red dismisses her. "Who cares about all that? You can fall over when it's not icy," she says pointedly. "And you have your whole life to have pristine shoes. Just enjoy it."

"Okay," Nicky says challengingly. "Let's go out. Enjoy it," she teases.

Red nods in Nicky's direction. "Sure, little girl," she says, calling Nicky's bluff with a twinkle in her eye. "Let's go!"

* * *

After wrapping up warmly in many layers, Nicky and Red brave the outside. Nicky's borrowed jacket, a purple trench coat, somewhat swamped her delicate frame whilst Red's warm parka covered her bad arm.

"See, it's not so bad," Red says, marvelling at the falling snowflakes. Nicky smiles. As a child, she'd never really played in the snow - no-one would take her outside, and when she was old enough to go by herself, her friends had long grown tired of throwing snowballs and building snowmen.

"I guess not," Nicky says, snowflakes getting caught in her eyelashes as she looks up to the gray sky. A smile ghosts her face. "It's kinda nice." She sticks her tongue out and catches a snowflake on the tip of it, giggling softly to herself. As she looks up, she feels a cold smack to her side. "Hey!"

Red grins from a few feet away, already holding another snowball. Nicky bends down and scoops up a handful of snow, the iciness burning her fingers but enjoying every moment. Red laughs. "You're not gonna hit an old woman, are you?"

Nicky takes aim. "You bet I am."

Nicky's phone rings as they trudge through the now slushy snow. They're both covered in ice, and their clothes are soaking wet now, but their spirits are still high. Her eyes scan over the screen and an unknown number flashes on it. She glances at Red before tapping accept. "Hello?"

"Hi, Nicky," the voice, thick with emotion, whispers. There's a pause, the slightest hesitation, before she continues. "I'm in trouble."

Nicky recognizes the voice instantly. Her voice even, she replies. "Trouble?"

The word finally catches Red's attention, who tears her eyes away from the children playing in the snow across the street to look at Nicky. Her arm, which loops through Nicky's, tenses. Nicky, though she notices every minute movement, ignores her gaze.

"I can't call Franny. I really can't. She'd be so mad," Lorna murmurs. "Can you come get me? _Please,_ Nicky."

Nicky bites her lip. "Lorna, I'm working." She looks at Red out of the corner of her eye. "Where are you?" Lorna reels her off her location, and Nicky recognizes the place as the jail she had also spent a night in. "What the fuck? Why are you in…" she trails off, conscious of Red by her side. "Why are you there?"

"Nicky, please! I'm too upset to talk about this right now. Just pick me up, I'm begging you." Lorna's voice was full of gasps and sobs, and Nicky finally relents.

"Okay," she says after a beat. "Do you need anything?"

"No," she says. "Just you."

Nicky closes her eyes. She had waited years to hear Lorna say those words, but they were in the wrong circumstances altogether. It meant nothing if Lorna had no-one else to call she reminds herself, cutting the call.

Nicky makes herself put one foot in front of another as they trek on in a weary, uncomfortable silence that Nicky enforces by answering anything Red has to say with a shrug. When they finally get to the apartment, Nicky sits down on the sofa and faces Red. "I need an hour," she says bluntly. There was no point in beating around the bush, Red had heard the conversation. "I know it's not ideal. But I have no choice."

"Okay." Red says simply. There's a voice inside of her screaming to say no, but she forces herself to nod amicably. "Go. Do what you have to do. Just come back, okay?"

Nicky swallows hard, but nods. "Of course."

* * *

Nicky counts out dollar bills from her purse, biting her lip as she pays the cab fare. She had taken as much money from Marka's apartment as she could find, which was a fair amount lying around, but it was running out fast. "Wait for me, will you?" She barks, more harshly than she intends. "I've gotta pick someone up but I'll be out in a sec."

Nicky braces herself to walk into the cold building, preferring to stand out in the falling sleet. With one last glance to the sky, she pushes the door open with a shove, walking up to the desk. "I'm here to...uh, collect Lorna Morello."

"Okay." The bored looking person on the desk mutters. He motions for her to wait there and then goes through a heavy metal door. He emerged with a tearstained Lorna and Nicky's heart lurches for her. "Sign here, miss." Nicky scribbles her name down on the form carelessly, her eyes barely leaving Lorna. The receptionist gives a perfunctory glance down at the form and scoffs. "Nicole Nichols? You think I'm that stupid. Real name, or ID to prove it."

A blush sweeps Nicky's cheeks as she draws herself up defensively. She had always hated Marka for the laughable moniker she had lumbered her with. "I don't have any photo ID," she grumbles, pulling out a credit card. "I have this," she offers, showing the name on the card.

"Fine," he replied, sounding annoyed that she wasn't lying. He let go of Lorna's arm and gave her a little push towards Nicky. "I don't wanna see you here again, or things will get a lot worse for you."

"I know," Lorna whispers. She latches onto Nicky's arm as they exit the cold, uneasy building and climb into the still waiting cab. Nicky turns to face Lorna, her features quizzical.

"What did you do?" Nicky hissed. She stops herself from glaring, and instead takes Lorna's cold and clammy hands in her own. "How could you be so stupid?"

Lorna doesn't look Nicky in the eye, but squeezes her hand tightly. "I'm sorry, Nicky," she says softly. "But I couldn't let that bitch get away with it." Her voice suddenly turns sharper, harsher, and in a tone that Nicky had never turned before. "She fucking stole him from me!" Lorna sobs, her head now on Nicky's chest. Exhaling a shaky breath, Nicky wonders if Lorna can hear her heart hammering in her ribcage. Lorna spits with rage as she continues. "How can he want that slut and not _me?_ We're meant to be, Nicky! He knows it! You believe me, right?"

Nicky bites her lip, and rests her chin on Lorna's head, glancing out at the rushing buildings going past. She feels sick to her stomach, but blinks back tears as she nods. "He'd be lucky to have you, kid." Her voice trails away. "Real lucky."

When Lorna leaves the cab, the driver turns to face Nicky. "Where to now, doll?"

Nicky ignores the pet name, though usually she'd make a face, and nibbles on her thumbnail. A quick glance to her phone shows that she's been gone for almost an hour, and if she went back to Red's now, she could keep to her word.

On the other hand, she thinks, scrolling through her contacts, there was always a friendly face to see when she feels this shitty. Numbly, Nicky reels off an address that had become increasingly familiar over the last few months, and tries to push all thoughts of Red from her brain. It had never been this hard before, she thinks, as Marka's words float through her head.

When they finally arrive, Nicky shoves a fistful of dollar bills to the driver and slams the door, quicking climbing the stairs to find the apartment she wanted. She knocks on the door curtly and bounces from foot to foot. "Come on, man….open the damn door."

When a familiar face finally does open the door, he grins at her. "Nichols…" he says, looking her body and up down. "Haven't seen you in awhile."

Nicky sniffs and nods quickly, not looking him in the eye. If she could detach herself from the situation, then maybe she could pretend that it never happened later on, when she had to look Red in the eye. "Yeah. Well, you know how addicts are. You got my usual stuff or not?"

"Course I have. Always for you, Nicky. Come on in…"

Nicky steps in and he closes the door behind her.

"You got the money?"

Nicky nods mutely, unrolling her last few twenties from her purse. "Gimme the stuff," she says gruffly. "I just need a fix, okay? I don't wanna chit chat."

"Sure, girl." He says easily, putting the money in his pocket and pulling a syringe from a metal tin on the other side of the room. He passes it to her. "Pleasure doing business with you."

Nicky takes the needle brusquely. She sits down on the sofa that she had sat at on numerous other occasions, and rolls it in her forefinger and thumb. Thoughts of Red roll through her head. Of Lorna. Of Marka. She doesn't dwell on them, and plunges the needle into her arm before she can talk herself out of it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Red sits in her apartment, glancing at the clock. Almost three hours have passed already. Two untouched hot chocolates sit on the coffee table, marshmallows bobbing, enmeshed in a bed of whipped cream.

The older woman turns the snow globe that she clutches tightly, shaking it gently so that snowflakes fall like the one outside. She only ever touched the snow globe when she felt particularly alone. Holding it up at eye level, tears pricked at her eyes. A doe and her fawn stood inside the globe, frozen in time. How Red wishes she could be frozen like that, with all of her children by her side.

The door opening is what pulls Red from her thoughts. She looks up hopefully, but Dmitri steps through the door instead of Nicky. His wife's disappointed face, looking so crestfallen, almost breaks him.

"Galina," he says, his voice full of concern. "Where's Nicky?" There's a warmth in his voice for her. This morning, when she'd been so eager to please and to make his wife happy had melted his frosty exterior slightly. But now, he was even more concerned than the previous day.

He takes off his coat, though he had only intended to check up on the both of them, and kneels down next to his wife. Her hand shakes with the slightest tremor, and he gently takes the snow globe from her, placing it on the window sill. "You don't want to drop this," he says softly. "It was always her favorite, wasn't it?"

Red nods, a regretful smile sweeping her cheeks. "She loved it. I think she just liked the idea of a mother and her baby."

Dmitri nods, feeling the emotion seeping into his own voice. "Well, she had you in the end, didn't she? You were everything to her." He changes the subject, reverting back to his original question. "Where's Nicky?"

"She had to help a friend," Red says with a sigh. She looks to her husband. "She said she'd be back in an hour...that was a while ago."

"Maybe she got held up," Dmitri offers bleakley. He rubs the back of his neck, which prickled with sweat under the scarf he hadn't yet taken off.

"Maybe," Red laments. "I should have gone with her. It's freezing out there, and she's so slight."

"She'll be back, love," Dmitri says, his voice sounding more hopeful than he felt. "I have to go back to work." He says suddenly, planting a kiss on Red's cheek. "Will you be okay until she gets back?"

"Of course," Red says distractedly, watching the snowflakes settle on the snow globe. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Goodbye, _milya."_ He says, slipping his arms into his coat. As he braves the outside once more, he pulls his phone from his pocket and calls his son, who's manning the restaurant. "Yuri?" He says, once his son answers. "You're going to have to watch the restaurant for a little longer." He crunches the ice with his shoe and sighs. "You know your mother's not feeling well. She needs something and I have to go find it…"

"Okay, pa." Yuri says easily. "Let me know if you need any help finding it. How long do you think you'll be?"

"I have no idea." Dmitri sighs. "I have a feeling it's not going to be easy to find."

 ** _Hiya, lovelies!  
I hope you're all doing well and enjoying this lovely festive season whatever you celebrate!  
Please tell me what you thought in a review. _**

**_Be safe and happy!_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


	5. Chapter 5

"I fucking _hate_ drugs," Red says, her eyes flickering up to meet the steely gaze of her husband. A mess of tangled blonde hair lays across her lap, the rest of Nicky's twitching body curled up on the couch. Her voice is soft despite the venom in it, and her blue eyes are filled with regret.

Dmitri nods, his eyes not leaving his wife. "I know you do, Galina," he says, and for the first time since he saw her lying in that alleyway waiting for the drugs to wear off, he wonders if he did the right thing by bringing her back. He didn't want to tear his eyes away from either of them, but his phone rang in his pocket.

Turning away, he answers it with a weary hello. After a moment, he responds, giving a sideways glance to his wife. "You can't handle this on your own?"

Red looks up from Nicky. "Go help him," she says firmly, but still softly - she didn't want to wake Nicky. Partly for her own good, and partly because she didn't know what on earth she'd say to her when she woke. "He's only young. And it's a busy time of year, people need food and warmth whilst out. We'll be okay here," she says, slightly unconvincing even to herself. Red strokes a gentle hand over Nicky's glistening forehead. "Won't we, hmm, _milaya?"_

Nicky, of course, doesn't provide an answer, but her eyes scrunch up in acknowledgement to the touch to her burning skin.

Dmitri leaves with one last reluctant glance to the pair of them. Red gives a small smile, and then turns her attention back to Nicky. She brushes her hair back gently, twisting it into a braid so that it doesn't tickle Nicky's neck.

Tucking the blanket around Nicky snugly, Red caresses her sweaty forehead again. "You're gonna be just fine, honey." She kisses the top of her head, knowing that if she was awake she would shy away from the intimate contact. She smiles down sadly at her. "And when you wake up, I'm gonna make it so you might just wish you hadn't."

A few hours passed with Nicky flat out on the couch and Red checking on her intermittently. Eventually, Nicky came around, confused about her whereabouts.

"Where am I?" Nicky says, looking up at the ceiling instead of around the room.

Red looks over from the stove, stirring a soup. She stares at Nicky for a second, drinking in the feeling of relief that she was really okay after the fright she'd given her. "At home."

"Come on, Red, please." Nicky's voice breaks and she's not sure if it's in emotion or due to the smoke inhalation from that god-awful apartment. Red's back is turned on her and it makes her want to reach out even more. "Please don't be pissed at me. I can't take it from you too."

" _You_ can't take it?" Red yells, spinning on her heels to face Nicky. She's never liked yelling. It always reminds her of her grandmother when she was younger, always flying off the handle for no good reason. She always believed in not raising your voice, but improving your argument. But there was no fight left in her, not today, and she got louder with every word. "You're the one trying to kill yourself with that shit!"

Nicky glares. "I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Really?" Red puts her hands on her hips, her stance hard. This new harsher side to the older woman was scary, and Nicky didn't come back with a sarcastic remark like she might have, if it was Marka she was arguing with. "Is your life just collateral damage in your quest for drugs, then?"

Nicky didn't have an answer for a moment. "I'm just trying to live," she says finally, in a very small voice. Her eyes don't meet Red's and Red can't even bring herself to look at the foolish girl in front of her.

"Bullshit." Red hisses. "I'll tell you what living is, and it's not your mother crying over the body they make her identify in the morgue, your lips cold when she kisses you goodbye for the last time, your beautiful blonde hair tangled but her not being allowed to brush it in case there's evidence that would be lost." Red's voice falters, and Nicky blinks up at her. The scenario she was describing was too real, and the emotion in her voice too raw for it to be fictitious.

After her rant comes to a shaky end, Red gestures at Nicky. "Can't you see how lucky you are?"

"Lucky?" Nicky scoffs. "I'm not gonna run out and buy a lottery ticket, let's put it that way." She raises an eyebrow and the arrogance infuriates Red. "In what way am I lucky then, huh, Red? Tell me."

"You're fucking alive! Your heart is still beating, and you have time to change before that does."

" _Why you?"_

 _The words cut through the silence, the hollow silence that had plagued them since she'd left a hole in their lives. Red looked up at her husband from the uncomfortable waiting room chair. She didn't have her signature eyeliner on. In fact, her face was completely bare. In fact, it was completely void of anything, like she didn't even have the energy to be depressed._

" _What are you talking about?" The only clue that she had cried was in her voice. Usually sharp, it had lost its edge. It tapered off at the end, withered like November leaves._

" _Why do you have to identify the body?" Dmitri said the words like he was reading from a script, and Red snatched her hand back from his. He sounded cold, but she couldn't possibly feel the dull ache in his heart. The heaviness that pressed on his shoulders. Though he had always felt the heavy burden of looking after his growing family on his shoulders, he had never felt this crushing, all consuming force on him before. All she heard was "the body" and that was enough for her wall of thorns to go up._

" _She's not a body," Red said, a little too loudly. "She's ours. She's mine. I'm her mother, and she needs me."_

" _Galina," Dmitri said, his brow creased. "She has a mother out there somewhere, and it's not you. It's cruel, making you do this. Making_ us _do this."_

" _Cruel?" Her voice was colder now. She was a mother bear protecting her cub in the only way she had left. "You don't know the meaning of the word."_

 _A woman stepped out of a side room and glanced around the waiting room. "Reznikov?"_

"I'm sorry." Nicky says reluctantly. She means it, but then she always feels the sting of regret until the burning of withdrawal kicks in, then regret takes a back seat. "I shouldn't have done it."

"I don't want to hear sorry. Sorry doesn't mean shit." Red replies instantly, and Nicky glances up in surprise. The words Marka had always wanted to hear, the words that Nicky never said, until just now...meant nothing here.

Nicky says nothing. Her head was feeling fuzzy and whilst she usually enjoyed that feeling, she just wanted to be clear headed and present and prove her worth to Red, something she never usually cared about.

"Then…" Nicky struggles for the words. Her voice has gained an edge of desperation. "Then, what do you want to hear?"

Red nods. _She's turning a corner._ She exhales a shaky breath but tries to look confident, stormy blue eyes meeting Nicky's wide doe eyes. "I want you to say you'll try. I don't want any promises. They're made to be broken. I just want you to try."

Nicky nods her head too quickly, her hair falling around her face. Her jaw works and she licks her lips. "Yeah. I'll try. I'll really try."

Red takes a step closer to Nicky, and this time, Nicky doesn't inch away. She's been craving the closeness Red had offered so freely in their week together, and as much as she hated admitting it even to herself, it stung when Red wouldn't even look at her.

She can't say she likes it when Red places a hand on her cheek, but it's cool and comforting, so she doesn't squirm away. "Good," Red says softly, one eyebrow arched. "That's a good start."

Night fell faster than either of them expected, and after a slightly uncomfortable dinner, they both felt their eyelids growing heavier. As Red washes the dishes and Nicky dries, a yawn escape from her mouth as she dries a teacup.

Red smiles down at the sink, thinking how young Nicky looks as she does such a mundane task. She wasn't very good at it, and kept putting things in the wrong places, but she was trying. And that was enough.

The door opening makes them both jump, and an exhausted looking Dmitri closes it behind him. "Hello, love," he says tiredly. "How are you?"

Red nods slowly, and rubs her thumb along Nicky's arm. "We're doing well, aren't we?"

Nicky nods, almost dropping a plate, and smiles sheepishly at Dmitri. He smiles back at her, reminded of when his own little boys would stand on a dining table chair at the sink with their mother. Countless pieces of crockery would always be dropped, but she always insisted they helped regardless.

"Glad to see you up, Nicky," he says, and he means it.

Nicky gives him a rueful smile. "Yeah. Me too...thanks to you."

"You look tired," he says, not unkindly, and Red nods in agreement. "How about you get ready for bed and I finish up with Galina here?"

Red rolls her eyes, swatting at Nicky with the tea towel. Her husband had always been the softer one when their boys were growing up, and he slots next to her easily as he finishes drying a plate, despite swaying on his own feet with tiredness.

"Thanks!" Nicky calls as she opens the door to the bathroom.

After finishing Nicky's job of drying and putting away, Dmitri turns his attention to his wife. He places a hand on her shoulder and gives it a gentle rub. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything will be fine." Red says confidently, placing her hand over his. The cold metal of their wedding rings clink together. Dmitri nods. He believes in his wife, he just hopes that she'll be careful. She couldn't take yet another heartbreak. She looks at him, eyes full of concern. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes," he says. "It's been a long day. I think we should just go to bed."

"I agree," Red nods, kissing Dmitri on the cheek softly. She wasn't usually the one to initiate anything intimate, not even a peck on the cheek, so he's taken aback. "I do love you, Dmitri." Red's voice is quiet. "I know I don't say it often, but know that I do. Go warm the bed for me. I'm just going to check on Nicky."

Dmitri smiles. "I love you too, _milaya."_

Red pushes Nicky's door open quietly. The blonde is already in bed, and Red can hear the soft snuffling of deep breathing. Coming into the dark room, Red is careful to be quiet and unobtrusive as she sits on the end of the bed. She brushes Nicky's hair away from her face, watching her breathing.

"Why are the smart girls always so stupid?" Red says aloud, her eyes drifting around the room. "Is there a self destruct button somewhere deep inside of you? Were you born with it? Or did someone give you the impression that you were so unimportant you didn't want to exist at all?"

Red looks down at the young woman in bed. She looks so small, so fragile, and Red wonders how her mother ever gave up on her. "You matter. I don't do mushy shit, not usually...I didn't at all before." Red closes her eyes for a moment. "But some people, some girls...they need to be told these things." The older woman groans softly as she wipes her hand over her mouth, searching for the right words to say.

"I don't give up on my girls. If you need me," she whispers in the darkness, fully aware that Nicky is fast asleep and paying no attention. "I'll be here. Always."

 _The woman opened the door to a small clinical room where a body laid on a slab of metal. It was cold and the strip lighting was harsh. Red suddenly didn't know if she can go over there and look into the face of a dead teenager, whether it's her girl or not._

" _Take your time," the woman said respectfully, pulling the blinds up. "You can just say yes or no, if that's easier."_

 _Red stepped forward, letting go of Dmitri's hand. She pressed her hands against the completely clear, clean glass and her blood ran cold. A lump formed in her throat and she immediately went for the side door, trying to get into the room with the body._

" _We can let you in if you need a closer look," the woman said, her voice sympathetic._

 _Dmitri looked up at his wife. He knew she didn't need a closer look. It was her. The words echoed in his head. It was her. It was her. Their girl._

" _Please let me in." Red said, her eyes wild. She pulled at the door knob again, despite knowing it was locked. She was like a tiger in the zoo whose baby had been taken for checks. Suddenly nothing was right anymore._

 _The woman unlocked the door, but before opening it, looked at Red seriously. "Please don't touch the victim. We need to obtain evidence still."_

" _I can't touch her at all?" Red asked, distraught. Her voice came out as a strangled, mangled cry. Something she'd never heard come out of her own body before, not even when giving birth three times._

" _I'm sorry." The woman said, but she didn't sound nearly sorry enough to Red's ears._

 _Red nodded just to get in the room, and Dmitri stayed by the window, behind the glass. He watched his wife walk up to the body._

" _I'm so sorry." Red sobbed. Every bone in her body screamed out at her to touch her, but she stopped herself. "Everything will be okay, honey." Red's hand hovered over her hair, over her hands, but she left an inch of air space to comply._

 _The girl's hair was a mess and Red knew she would have hated it, but she was powerless now. Did she ever have any power at all, she wondered._

" _Mama's here. I'm here, honey. I'm going to take care of it, just you watch. Mama takes care of her cubs, remember? You said that to me." She blinked back the tears in fear of them falling on her face and not being able to wipe them away. "I love you. I know I didn't say it enough, but I do. I love you so much. Your demons were just too deep. We met each other too late. I have to leave you now. I wish I didn't, but I do. But I'll be back. I'll dress you in your favorite outfit. I'll even buy you those shoes. The ones you liked in the window, remember?"_

 _Red looked at Dmitri, and he had never seen his wife in such a state before. Her hands shook as she wiped the tears away from her face. Before anyone could stop her, she leant and planted one last kiss on her girl's forehead. Her stomach lurched as her warm lips connected with her freezing cold skin. The woman stepped into the room, ready to stop anything further. Red held her hands up and pulled the white sheet around her tighter. "I won't do anything else. She's just so cold," Red trembled. "She's so cold."_

 _The woman guided Red out of the room, gently steering her towards the exit and then turning to her. "I take it you're making a positive identification?"_

 _Red let hot tears spill down her cheeks. "Yes," she nodded firmly. "That's her. My girl." Red felt sick to her core and the pain was tangible, she could feel it spreading like wildfire through her whole body. She hated that no-one was using her name, just a case number._

 _She drew herself up tall, and took one last glance at the daughter she had for such a short time, but loved so much, hanging onto Dmitri's arm. "That's Tricia."_

Nicky stirs in sleep, and half opens her eyes. She snuggles down into her pillow. "Red?" She mumbles, not fully awake.

Red sniffs and wipes her face, concentrating on the girl in front of her. She smooths her hair down and nods. "I'm here, honey."

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **Hiya, lovelies! Happy new year!  
I hope you like this chapter. First post of 2018!  
It left me with a pit in my stomach writing it and it was pretty heavy going but I hope you still enjoy it.  
**_

 _ **Please let me know what you thought in a review.**_

 ** _Hope you're safe and happy!_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm surprised you're letting anyone stay in her room," Dmitri said as he buttoned up his shirt. Red sat at the end of the bed, covering her dark circles with makeup and painting on a red smile with lipstick.

"Mm," Red replied. She didn't want to think about Tricia, or the fact that she hadn't slept in that bed in such a long time. She brushed the knots from her hair and smoothed it down, glancing at Dmitri in the mirror. "She needed a place to sleep. You can't sleep off that shit on a couch." Her thoughts went to Nicky, and she wondered if she'd be awake yet. The anxious expression on her face gave away what - or, more accurately, who - Red was thinking about, and Dmitri rubbed his neck. Besides, Red thought indignantly, Nicky wasn't just _anyone._

"It's happening again," Dmitri said. He raised his eyebrows, fixing the collar of his shirt. "You said after her you'd never get attached again. You said you couldn't do it again," he insisted. "Not for someone who couldn't be saved. You said you couldn't love them."

"I said that about you too, a long time ago," Red sighed. She slipped out of her dressing gown and Dmitri stood behind her, his hands caressing her waist.

"Well, I always loved you," he said, running his hands down her bare hips. Red rolled her eyes. "Every inch of you. Ever since we were nineteen."

Red glanced at herself in the mirror, wrinkling her nose. She pinched her stomach, disheartened that she didn't see the figure of a teenager in the mirror anymore. "There's more inches to love on me now."

"You'll always be my _krasnaya roza,"_ Dmitri promised. "But I'm worried about you, Galina. What happens next?"

Red stepped out of Dmitri's grasp and pulled on a blue sweater. It was old and frayed, but comforting. It reminded her of home. Of her mama cooking in the cold, her cheeks rosy from the borsch steaming in the well used pot. She needed reminders of better times, she thought, shimmying into a pair of dark pants.

"What happens next?" Red asked. She raised her eyebrows. "Do I look like a psychic, Dmitri? I know you don't put things away often, but I'm not hiding a crystal ball in those drawers." Red shut her eyes for a moment, counting to five in her head. "I know you're worried about me," she relented, a grimace sweeping her features. "But who worries about her?"

Meanwhile, in the room over, Nicky sat up in bed. She blinked in the harsh sunlight coming through the window and wondered why there weren't drapes up. The whole room looked different to the rest of Red's home, and if Nicky had been feeling better, she would have snooped a little more. Rubbing her eyes, she felt the all too familiar feeling of coming down swirling in her stomach. That's where she always felt it most. Taking a deep breath, Nicky pushed down the feeling of vomit rising in her throat. She groaned. Would she ever learn? She thought, because as her whole body ached, she still craved another hit.

Her head span, but she could hear Red making noise in the kitchen. Her curiosity got the better of her and she wondered what Red would say to her this morning. If she'd keep her word on wanting to help. And truthfully, Nicky was scared. Scared that Red would throw her out. Because pushing boundaries was what Nicky did best, and pushing people away was easier than letting them in.

"You're going to NA this afternoon," Red announced over breakfast. Nicky paused, the glass she was holding suspended mid-air. She felt the scrambled eggs she'd manage to stomach churning. She sprang from her chair, and made it to the sink as she began to retch. Of all the things she'd expected to hear from Red, that wasn't one of them.

Red stood behind her, rubbing gentle circles in her back. The older woman bit her lip, steeling herself for an uncomfortable situation. As she held Nicky's hair back, she wondered how the rest of the conversation would go. Not well, she imagined.

Nicky stumbled back to her chair, taking a sip from the water she'd abandoned just a few moments ago. The cooling liquid calmed her stomach and her skin, but not her fiery temper. She crossed her arms against her chest. "I'm _not_ going to NA. No fucking way."

Red continued to sip her coffee, her grip on the mug tightening. She stood, resting against her chair, and stared down at Nicky. Her white knuckles were the only indication of her emotional state, and she hid it well. "Yes, you are."

"This is bullshit," Nicky said. Her eyes hardened. She licked her lips, a vein bulging in her neck. "This is bullshit!"

"No," Red continued, finally placing the coffee mug down with a shaking hand. "This is consequences for your actions." The way Nicky blinked at her, completely taken aback, almost made Red want to take the words back. But the image of Tricia's lifeless body flashed through her mind, and she reminded herself - she was doing this so that she could give in to other things in the future. Because God damn it, this girl would _have_ a future.

Nicky's brow furrowed. "You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mom," she insisted. She sounded like a child and she knew it.

Red's whole expression softened and she let out a small sigh. "If I was your mother, you never would have turned to that shit."

"You think so?" Nicky said. There was still an edge to her voice, but her expression had lost its angriness. "I was always hopeless, Red."

Red's gaze lingered on Nicky. "We'll see."

When four o'clock rolled around, and Red stood by the door ready to leave, Nicky stayed sitting. Luna was curled in her lap, and the cat purred as Nicky absentmindedly ran her fingers down her fur. Nicky locked eyes with Red across the room.

"Come on," she said firmly, tilting her head towards the door. "There's still a lot of snow on the ground. It'll take awhile to walk it."

"What about your back?" Nicky asked, making no effort to get up. She scratched behind the cat's ears, not looking at Red.

"I'm not worried about my back," Red said, inwardly rolling her eyes. "I do have a pain in the ass, though."

Nicky's eyebrows shot upwards. "I could go on my own."

Red suppressed a sigh. "But then I'd miss the stale cookies and watered down juice," she said. She checked her watch and opened the door a crack. "Now come on. Luna will be here when you get back."

Nicky finally stood, letting the cat curl up in the space she left behind. With one last glance back to Luna, Nicky reluctantly looped her arm through Red's. "You're seriously gonna make me do this?"

Red closed the door behind them both. "You're not going to refuse a woman you crippled, are you?" She turned so Nicky couldn't see the smile she couldn't hide.

Nicky huffed, but helped Red carefully down the few steps they had to navigate. "Not when you put it that way."

Nicky rubbed at her wrist as Red opened the door to the NA meeting. The dimly lit room looked dingy and dirty. Even Red cringed as they sat on the plastic chairs, settling down as they creaked. Nicky regarded the crowd as she inched towards the table on the far side of the room, picking up a cookie and a watered down juice. She sidled back to Red, passing her the drink and snack with a smirk.

"Looks delicious," she grinned. "Enjoy NA's generous proffering."

Red rolled her eyes but took them, and patted the chair next to her. "Come on," she said quietly. "Sit down, they'll be starting soon."

After a seemingly endless stream of stories and experiences, Nicky was ready to leave. She glanced at Red, who made no effort to stand. The cookie and juice remained untouched in her grip.

"How about our newcomer? Would you like to come and share your story?"

Nicky looked up. It took a moment for her to realize the newcomer was her, and she ran her hand over her bare arm, shrugging. "Oh, um, I don't know. My story isn't exactly exciting. Doesn't end with barbeque sauce on my tits or anything." Nicky stared at the blank faces around her. "Never heard that one?" She shrugged again, raising her eyebrows. "Okay. Um, well. I guess I could share."

Nicky stood and pulled her shirt down self-consciously as she made her way to the podium. She'd never been shy or afraid of crowds, but revealing the worst of her in front of Red made sweat prickle on the back of her neck. That, and the detox her body had been plunged into yet again. She didn't meet Red's eye as she started her story.

"I guess when people know you're on drugs, they expect a drama. A rock bottom story. I don't have that. Unless you count right now. But I don't think I'm at rock bottom," Nicky said. She inhaled deeply. "I just like it. No, I love it. I haven't loved many things in my life." Nicky kneaded the wooden podium as she thought of what to say. "That first hit...it felt like I'd found my missing piece. Everyone seemed to have everything figured out. They were going to college, getting jobs. Their families were helping them become who they were supposed to be."

Red swallowed. She could have wept upon realizing that Nicky could have been no older than twenty when she first turned to drugs. Drugs hadn't even been on Red's radar at that age, they had just been something people did in a different life to the one she led, something distant and horrible. Done by lonely, haggard people, ugly from years of mistreating their bodies. Not pretty young girls with their whole lives ahead of them. Not smart young women who had the world at their feet. And not the people she cared about.

"It...it kinda felt like it loved me back." Nicky laughed hollowly. "I know it was just the buzz. But it was different, you know? I wasn't used to feeling that...it was nice." Nicky looked to her feet. She scuffed the threadbare carpet with the toe of her equally worn Converse. "But hey, I'm sure there are loads of things that can make you feel that, right?" Nicky nodded. "Family, your parents. Lovers. Friends." She flickered her eyes to the small crowd listening intently. "You think that's easier to score than heroin?"

Red rubbed her head as she listened. It was worse than she thought. Maybe Dmitri was right, maybe she was bringing trouble to her doorstep and it was more than she could handle. But then she heard her name.

"You know, I didn't want to come tonight. But Red - she's right there, in the back row - she made me come. And um, well, no-one's ever cared enough to do that. My mom sent me to rehab a bunch of times, but that was to get me out of sight. Outta sight, outta mind, right? But Red's right there. And she won't appreciate the connection, but she's a bit like my heroin right now. There when I need her." Nicky rubbed the back of her neck. "So, yeah. Thanks, Red."

The man leading the group gave Nicky an encouraging smile. "Thanks for sharing that. Now, shall we say the Serenity Prayer.."

Nicky looped arms with Red again as they made their way out of the old building, filled with more hope than either of them expected to leave with upon entering the downtrodden place. Nicky looked up at the blue sky, letting the winter sun hit her face, and Red knew it was useless. She'd never be able to let her go. Even though they'd just met, Red felt a desperate longing to help her. Despite Dmitir's warnings, she knew she was becoming attached. A faint smile crossed her lips.

"I'm not giving up on you," Red said, smoothing a piece of hair out of Nicky's eyes. "You know that, don't you?" She fought the urge to tuck the scarf tighter around Nicky's neck, knowing she'd push her away.

Nicky breathed in the crisp afternoon air, and without opening her eyes said, "They all say that, you know."

Red nodded. She didn't doubt that they had said it, but she _did_ know that she wasn't them. "You'll see," she said lightly. "They'll _all_ see."

 _ **A/N:**_

 ** _Hi my lovelies! How are you all?  
I hope you enjoyed the new season. Let me know your thoughts!  
Please leave a review telling me your thoughts on the chapter too.  
Hope you're all well and happy._**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


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